In Sharon Somekh’s interview we discuss:
- Things that we think make our kids happy but actually don’t in the long run
- Giving your kids everything they want (even when you know it’s not in their best interest) and how it sets them up for unrealistic expectations and difficulty handling disappointment
- How to coach your child through handling disappointment
- What to do with tantrums
- Being your child’s parent versus being their friend
- Sharon’s example of how she handled her sixth grader asking for a laptop as a parent and not a friend to her daughter
- Implementing the rules in a kind yet firm manner
- Younger children thriving on the idea that you there to guide them
- Remembering the reasons you make your parenting decisions as a way of helping you stick to those decisions
- Changing your mind when you make a parenting decision
- The importance of not changing your mind while your child is in the midst of a tantrum
- Building skills of indepence in our children as a key to happiness
- Celebrating the effort and progress of your child working toward a goal
- Letting go of some our fears as a parent and giving your children more responsibility and freedom
Carrie’s favorite quotes from the interview:
“Sometimes you have to give them that temporary disappointment in order for them to truly be happy long term.”
“If you try too hard to be your child’s friend, you start to feel badly about making decisions that are going to disappoint them.”
“I’ve seen so many situations where a two year old is clearly running a household and the reason for that in my opinion, is that parents are trying too hard to get their children to like them.”
“They do understand if it’s not today, then maybe tomorrow or a year from now or when they have their own children, they will one day understand that what we do – everything we do – is in with their best interest in mind.”
“I think if your children are always happy with the decisions that you make, you’re not making firm enough decisions.”
“Younger children – toddlers – really do thrive on feeling that you know what’s going on as a parent and feeling that they have someone there to guide them. If they are left to feel that they are in control, it’s actually a very uncomfortable feeling for them. It really creates a lot of havoc inside them and causes a lot of misbehavior, which creates a lot of havoc for parents.”
Sharon talks motherhood:
What would you tell an expecting mom about the experience of being a mother?
I would tell an expectant mother that mother hood is amazing but it certainly has its challenges. The most important thing to remember is to be realistic in our expectations and to try to be patient with your kids and most importantly with yourself that you are learning with each experience and it’s ok if things aren’t “perfect”. Look for and get support to learn more when you feel you need it and try to enjoy as much as you can as time flies by.
What is the hardest part about being a mom? Biggest frustrations?
One of the hardest things for me in my earlier years as a parent was the enormous amount of guilt I felt as a mother that worked crazy long hours and seemed to not be home much. That guilt also led to feelings of being judged but I have since learned that I should not have felt guilty because I did it all for my kids and that I can only feel judged if I allow that to happen. Today I am much stronger and feel that it’s important to help other moms feel more confident in their decisions as well.
What is your favorite part about being a mom? What makes all the hard stuff worth it?
For me it’s the snuggles hands down. I cherish those moments when your kids come and give you a hug or a kiss just because.
Sharon Somekh, MD – Pediatrician & Parent Coach, Raiseology
Sharon is a general pediatrician, loving wife and mother to 4 daughters.
After a decade of practicing general pediatrics and working with families, she realized there often wasn’t enough time while tending to children’s medical needs to help parents in the way that would be most helpful in shaping their children’s futures.
The Raiseology Program was developed to teach parents how to raise their children with the love and authority necessary to promote resilience and responsibility.
Sharon’s experience with hundreds of families as well as her own help her meet you where you are on your parenting journey to help you make it what you want it to be.