In Marcilie’s interview we discuss:
- Marcilie’s background as a Positive Discipline trainer and Life and Leadership coach
- What lead her to start a coaching practice and leave corporate
- Why it’s so hard to get our kids to do what we want them to do
- Intrinsic motivation versus extrinsic motivation
- The positive discipline tools that she recommends to foster intrinsic motivation in our children
- Looking underneath the behavior to try to understand why it’s hard for your child to cooperate
- Belonging and significance as the keys to connection and cooperation and how to cultivate it in your kids
- The “Eye to Eye” tool as a way to get kids to listen and cooperate the first time you ask them to do something
- Using age appropriate responsibilities for fostering a sense of capability and competence
- Edward Deci and his work relating to intrinsic motivation: relatedness, competence, and autonomy
- Giving children choices and how it creates buy in because the brain likes it’s own ideas best!
- Family meetings as a way to involve your children in the process of making decisions that affect the whole family
- A few stories about how giving choices led to greater cooperation in Marcilie’s family
- Developmental milestones and play into your child’s sense of capability
- What to do if your child is lacking skills and not feeling very competent
- How your child mastering tasks and seeing success builds momentum, motivation, and energy (research from Daniel Pink from the book Drive: The Surprising Truth About What Motivates Us) (affiliate link)
Carrie’s favorite quotes from the interview:
“Rub a dub dub, clean up your mess!”
“Always, as much as you can, be in a place of curiosity”
- Daniel Pink – Drive: The Surprising Truth About What Motivates Us
- Marcilie’s blog post: Two Things Every Child Needs for Intrinsically Motivated Cooperation
Marcilie talks motherhood:
What would you tell an expecting mom about the experience of being a mother?
Being a mother is much harder than I ever expected. However, it’s also the most profound experience I have ever had. My children, over and over, teach me the lessons I most need to learn in order to become the person I want to be.
What is the hardest part about being a mom? Biggest frustrations?
It varies by age. Babyhood: sleep deprivation. Toddlerhood: exhaustion from running after them. School age: learning how to inspire cooperation . Middle/high school: finding that balance between stepping in and stepping back
What is your favorite part about being a mom? What makes all the hard stuff worth it?
Feeling an enormous sense of purpose in what I’m doing, and the deepest love I will ever experience.
Any other tips, tricks, or tools to share?
- A downloadable pdf with 15 Tools for Inviting Cooperation
- An audio recording of a 1-hour introductory TeleClass: “5 Criteria for Positive Discipline”
Marcilie Smith Boyle, Positive Discipline Trainer & Life Coach
Marcilie Smith Boyle is mother of three school-aged children, a Certified Positive Discipline Trainer and Certified Life and Leadership Coach who teaches Positive Discipline courses live and online, coaches individuals and groups on career transitions and parenting, as well as life coaching and executive leadership coaching.